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Surviving Church Hurt


How Do You Define Church Hurt?

Church hurt is a term that is frequently used when a believer hurts another believer. Gossip, slander and isolation are just some examples of behavior that can cause individuals to feel as they do not belong. It can be emotionally distressing to undergo bad treatment in general,  but these feelings are somehow magnified when they occur within the church.

Church hurt can sometimes be a result of misplaced anger or one’s unwillingness to handle correction or take constructive criticism. Nevertheless, while it doesn’t even seem plausible that the two words church and hurt would even be associated with each other, it’s one of the primary reasons people give for leaving the body of Christ.

Sticks and Stones

As children we’ve all heard the phrase “sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you”. But they can, and do especially if they’ve come from fellow churchgoers or God forbid the actual shepherd of the church.

Preacher’s Pet

The role of the clergyman or clergywomen of a Church will always be perceived as a position of power. A position perceived to be closest to God. Similarly, those who are closely aligned to the Pastor, are often seen as an extension of this power.

Whether it is the spouse of the minister or the head of a ministry in the Church, titles somehow suggest superiority. Church officials are often viewed as an object of favoritism  rather than individuals appointed based on their ability to lead.

These hierarchies have oftentimes led to dissension amongst fellow members causing harm not only to individuals but to the Church body as a whole. But why?

Unrealistic Expectations

Church members for some reason expect more from each other. Just because they see each other on Sunday mornings, worshipping the same God, they expect each other to think the same way about everything.

Church members have a hard time allowing themselves and each other any margin error. The expectations are somehow different just because they are Christians. The truth is, people are people and will forever be flawed whether they are in the Church or in your workplace. Here’s another eye opener for you, there are people at every Church, so church-hopping is not the solution.

For it is Written

  • Christian or not, you aren’t going to like everyone and everyone will not like you. But don’t let that stop you from loving them. (John 13:34)
  • God sees everything. Not only does He see what others have done to you He also sees how we choose to respond. Two wrongs have never made any one person right. (Romans 12:17-21)
  • Stop judging each other’s standards. Being a Christian is not a title it’s a declaration of one‘ s determination to pattern themselves after Christ. If you want to be like Jesus, don’t be petty. (2 Timothy 2:14)
  • Don’t get an attitude with God just because God’s people may have let you down. His ways are not are our ways. (Isaiah 55:8)
  • Jesus cares about everything that you care about. If you’ve told everyone with ears what has happened to you, then why not tell Jesus? When you need answers go directly to the source. (Psalm 18:6)
  • Speak with the person(s) who offended you. This does NOT mean confront them. If you’ve received an apology accept it. (Matthew 18:15)
  • Don’t be afraid to do a bit of self-examination. If you find yourself having personal issues at every church you attend then perhaps it’s time to ask God to reveal you to YOU. (Psalm 139)
  • There are always going to be people determined not to let an offense go. They will carry their hurt and pain like a trophy from church to church and even make it a part of their testimony. Pray for them. (Matthew 24:10-12)
  • God can change situations and hearts when you least expect it. Readily receive any offers of reconciliation. (Ephesians 4:32)

Finding a Church Home

Here is where you have entered a judgment free zone.

If you’ve been out of church for a while or perhaps you have relocated and have yet to settle down with a new church home.Search for church online for free. Let’s Pray Together is a nationwide church search database available to church seekers and those who volunteer to list their churches as a resource:

If you still need assistance finding a church or if you have specific requirements for the church you are seeking. Email: with your request.